Hercules
Narrator: Long ago, in the faraway land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extrodinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Hercules. But what is the measure of a true hero? Ah, that is what our story is-- :Thalia: Will you listen to him? He's makin' the story sound like some Greek tragedy. :Terpsichore: Lighten up, dude. :Calliope: We'll take it from here, darling. :Narrator: You go, girl. :Calliope: We are the Muses, goddesses of the arts and proclaimers of heroes. :Terpsichore: Heroes like Hercules. :Thalia: Honey, you mean "Hunk-ules." Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music with him-- :Humming :Calliope: Our story actually begins, long before Hercules, many eons ago. :Muses: Ah! :Calliope: Back when the world was new. The planet Earth was down on its luck. :Thalia: Whoa! :Calliope: And everywhere gigantic brutes called Titans ran amok. :Thalia: It was a nasty place. There was a mess wherever you stepped. :Calliope: Where chaos reigned and the earthquakes and valcanos never slept. :Thalia: Whoo! Say it, girlfriend! :Muses: And then along came Zeus! :Calliope: He hurled his thunderbolt! :Muses: He zapped! :Thalia: Locked those suckers in a vault! :Muses: They're trapped! And on his own stopped chaos in its tracks, and that's the gospel truth! The guy was too "Type A" to just relax! :Terpsichore: And as the world's first dish. :Thalia: Yeah, baby. :Terpsichore: Zeus tamed the globe while still in his youth. :Muses: Though, honey it may seem impossible, that's the gospel truth! On Mount Olympus life was neat, and smooth as sweet vermouth! Although, honey it may seem impossible, that's the gospel truth! Ah, ah! :Woman: Ah. :Muses: Ah, ah! :Woman: Oh, yeah, yeah! :Muses: Ah, ah! :Woman: Hey, hey, hey! :Muses: Ah, ah! :Woman: Hey, yeah! :Harmonizing :Chattering :Hera: Gasping Hercules! Chuckles Behave yourself. :Gurgling :Zeus: Oh, look at this. Look how cute he is. Babbling :Cooing :Zeus: Hah! Oh, he's strong, like his dad, hmm? :Hermes: Whoa! Excuse me! Hot stuff coming through! Excuse me. One side, Ares. :Hera: Why, Hermes, they're lovely. :Hermes: Yeah, you know, I had Orpheus do the arrangement. Isn't that too nutty? Fabulous party. You know, I haven't seen this much love in a room, since Narcissus discovered himself. :Sounds :Zeus: Oh, he won't hurt himself. Let the kid have a little fun. :Gasping :Zeus: Oh. On behalf of my son, I want to thank you all for your wonderful gifts! :Hera: What about our gift, dear? :Zeus: Well, let's see here. We'll take-- Hmm, yes. A little cirrus, and, hmm, a touch of nimbostratus, and a dash a cumulus. :Squeaks :Honks :Zeus: His name is Pegasus, and he's all yours, son. :Whinny :Sighing :Hera: Mind his head. :Zeus: He's so tiny. :Yawns :Zeus: My boy. My little Hercules. :Hades: How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up, since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat! Huh? So is this an audience or a mosaic? Hey, how you doin'? Lookin' good. Nice dress. :Zeus: So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld? :Hades: Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do? Ah! There's the little sunspot. Little snootchie. And here is a sucker for the little sucker, eh? Here you go. Ya just-- Grunting Sheesh! :Laughing :Hades: Uh, powerful little tyke. :Zeus: Come on, Hades. Don't be such a stiff. Join the celebration! :Hades: Hey. Chuckles Love to, babe, but unlike you gods lounging about up here, I regrettably have a full-time gig, that you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus. So, can't. Love to, but can't. :Zeus: You ought to slow down. You'll work yourself to death. Hah! Work yourself to death! Laughing :Laughing :Zeus: Oh, I'll kill myself! :Hades: Laugh If only. If only. :Calliope: If there's one god you don't want to get steamed up, it's Hades. 'Cause he had an evil plan. :Thalia: He ran the underworld, but thought the dead were dull and uncouth. He was as mean as he was ruthless, and that's the gospel truth. :Growling :Thalia: He had a plan to shake things up, and that's the gospel truth. :Hades: Pain! :Pain: Coming, your lost lugubriousness. Ow! Grunting Yells :Hades: Panic! :Panic: Panting Oh, I'm sorry. I can handle it! :Sighing :Yells :Pain: Pain! Ohh! :Panic: And Panic! :Both: Reporting for duty! :Hades: Fine, fine, fine. Just let me know the instant the Fates arrive. :Panic: Oh. They're here. :Hades: What? The Fates are here, and you didn't tell me? :Whimpering, Groaning :Both: We are worms! Worthless worms! :Hades: Memo to me, memo to me. Maim you after my meeting. :Atropos: Darling, hold that mortal's thread of life, good and tight. Screaming :Clotho: Incoming! :Laughing :Hades: Ladies! Hah! I'm so sorry that I'm-- :Together: Lates! :Lachesis: We knew you would be. :Clotho: We know everything. :Lachesis: Past. :Clotho: Present. :Atropos: And Future. Indoor plumbing, it's gonna be big. :Hades: Great, great. Anyway, see, ladies, I was at this party, and I lost track of-- :Together: We know! :Hades: Yeah. I know, you know. So here's the deal: Zeus, Mr. High And Mighty, Mr. "Hey, You, Get Off Of My Cloud", now he has-- :Together: A bouncing baby brat. :Clotho: We know! :Hades: I know, you know. I know. I got it. I got the concept. So let me just ask: Is this kid gonna mess up my hostile takeover bid, or what? What do you think? :Clotho: Um-- :Lachesis: Oh, no, you don't. We're not supposed to reveal the future. Sniffs :Hades: Oh, wait. I'm sorry. Time out. Can I-- Can I ask you a question, by the way? Are you-- Did you cut your hair or something? You look fabulous. :Giggles :Hades: I mean, you look like a Fate worse than death. :Continue :Panic: Groans Oh, gross! :Pain: Yech! It's blinkin'! :Hades: Ladies, please. My fate is in your lovely hands. :Clotho: Oh, yeah! :Lachesis: Oh, all right. :Clotho: In 18 years precisely, the planets will align ever so nicely. :Hades: Ay, verse. Oy. :Lachesis: The time to act will be at hand. Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band. :Hades: Mm-hmm. Good, good. :Lachesis: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall, and you, Hades, will rule all! :Hades: Yes! Hades rules! :Atropos: A word of caution to this tale. :Hades: Excuse me. :Arropos: Should Hercules fight, you will fail. :Cackling :Hades: What? Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine. :Dings :Hades: Pain? Panic? Got a riddle for ya. How do you kill a god? :Pain: I do not know! :Panic: You can't. They're immortal? :Hades: Bingo! They're immortal. So, first you got to turn the little sunspot mortal. :Snores :Breaking :Panic Tittering :Hera: What? What is it? :Zeus: Huh? :Together: The baby! :Gasping :Sputtering :Hera: Hercules! Oh! Sobbing Continues :Zeus: No! :Panic: Now we did it! Zeus is gonna use us for target practice! :Pain: Just hang onto the kid, Panic. :Grunting :Crying :Panic: Hurry! Let's just kill the kid and get over with, okay? :Pain: Here you go, kid. A little Grecian formula. :Panic: Look at that! He's changing. Can we do it now? :Pain: No, no, no, he has to drink the whole potion. Every last drop. :Amphitryon: Who's there? :Screaming :Amphitryon: Alcmene, over here. :Crying :Alcmene: Oh, you poor thing. Oh, don't cry. :Amphitryon: Is anybody there? :Panic: Now? :Pain: Now. :Muttering :Amphitryon: Oh. Well, he must have been abandoned. :Alcmene: Amphitryon, for so many years, we've prayed to the gods to bless us with a child. Perhaps they've answered our prayers. :Amphitryon: Perhaps they have. "Hercules"? :Thunderclap :Growling :Giggling :Sputtering :Yelling :Giggling :Panic: Help, help, help! Hades is gonna kill us when he finds out what happened. :Pain: You mean, if he finds out. :Panic: Of course he's gonna f-- If. If is good. :Calliope: Offscreen It was tragic. Zeus led all the gods on a frantic search. :Terpischore: But my the time they found the baby, it was too late. :Melpomene: Young Herc was mortal now. :Muses: Mmm. :Melpomene: But since he did not drink the last drop. :Muses: Oh. :Melpomene: He still retained his godlike strength, so thank his lucky stars. :Calliope: Tell it, girl. :Melpomene: But Zeus and Hera wept. :Muses: Ooh, ooh, ooh. :Melpomene: Because their son could never come home. :Muse: Ooh. :Melpomene: They'd have to watch their precious baby grow up from afar. Though Hades' horrid plan, was hatched before Herc cut his first tooth. :Muses: Ahh. :Melpomene: The boy grew stronger every day, and that's the gospel truth. :Muses: The gospel truth. :Bell Clanking :Bleating :Braying :Amphitryon: Hercules, slow down! Look out! :Gasping :Young Hercules: Oops! S-S-Sorry, guys. :Man: Hey, watch where you're goin'. Sunday driver! :Yelling :Amphitryon: Thanks, son. When old Penelope twisted her ankle back there, I thought we were done for. :Young Hercules: No problem, Pop. :Amphitryon: Uh, don't-don't-don't unload just yet. First, I have to finagle with Phideas. :Young Hercules: Okay. Grunt :Braying :Young Hercules: Oops. Sorry, Penelope. :Amphitryon: Now, Hercules, this time, please just-- :Young Hercules: I know. I know. Stay by the cart. :Amphitryon: Sighs That's my boy. :Sighs :Groaning :Demetrius: Oh, my goodness. Whoa! :Young Hercules: Careful! :Demetrius: Shudders Why, thank you. :Young Hercules: No problem. :Demetrius: Why, Hercules! Sputtering It's you! :Young Hercules: Let me, let me help you with that. :Demetruis: No, no, no, no, no. I got it! Straining I'm fine. You just run along. :Young Hercules: Are you sure? :Demetrius: Oh, yes. Absolutely. :Man: Yo! Give it here! :Gasps :Young Hercules: Hey, you need an extra guy? :Man: Uh, sorry, Herc. Uh, we already got five, and we want to keep it an even number. :Young Hercules: Hey, wait a second. Five isn't an even-- :Man: See ya, Herc. :Boy: What a geek! :Man: Destructo Boy. Maybe we should call him "Jerkules." :Laughter :Boy: Offscreen Heads up! :Young Hercules: I-I got it! :Man: No! Stop! :Rumbling :Young Hercules: Uh-oh. :Murmuring :Young Hercules: Offscreen Oh, no. It's okay. :Yelling :Young Hercules: Hey! Whoa! :Screaming :Amphitryon: Son! :Young Hercules: Hang on, Pop! Be right back! :Demetrius: Oh, my! Oh, no! Don't! Oh, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no! Yelling Chuckles :Young Hercules: Watch out! :Yells :Crashing :Murmuring :Man: Nice catch, Jerkules. :Amphitryon: Son-- :Sputtering :Demetrius: This is the last straw, Amphitryon! :Man 1: That boy is a menace! :Man 2: He's too dangerous to be around normal people! :Grumbling, Muttering :Amphitryon: He didn't mean any harm. He's just a kid. He-He just can't control his strength. :Demetrius: I'm warning you. You keep that-that-that freak away from here! :Boy: Offscreen Freak! Yeah, go away! :Agreeing :Amphitryon: Sighs Son, you shouldn't let those things said back there get to you. :Young Hercules: But Pop, they're right. I-I am a freak. I try to fit in. I really do. Sighs I just can't. Sometimes, I feel like, like I really don't belong here, like I'm supposed to be somplace else. :Amphitryon: Hercules, son-- :Young Hercules: I know it doesn't make any sense. I have often dreamed of a far off olace whers a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face, and a voice keeps sayin' this is where I'm meant to be. I will find my way, I can go to the distance. I'll be there someday if I can be strong, I know every mile will be worth my while. I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong. :Amphitryon: Hercules, there's something your mother and I have been meaning to, to tell ya. :Young Hercules: But if you found me, then where did I come from? Why was I left here? :Alcmene: This was around your neck when we found you. It's the symbol of the gods. :Young Hercules: This is it! Don't you see? Maybe they have the answers! I'll go to the temple of Zeus and-- Ma, Pop, you're the greatest parents anyone could have, but I-I gotta know. :Crowing :Young Hercules: I am on my way, I can go to the distance! I don't care how far, somehow, I'll be strong! I know every mile will be worth my while, I would go most anywhere to find where I belong! Oh, mighty Zeus, please, hear me and answer my prayer. I need to know: Who am I? Wh-Where do I belong? :Whistling :Young Hercules: Huh? :Creaking :Zeus: My boy. My little Hercules. :Creaking :Young Hercules: Ahhhh! Grunting :Zeus: Hey, hey, hey. Hold on, kiddo! What's your hurry? After all these years, is this the kind of hello you give your father? :Young Hercules: F-Father? :Zeus: Didn't know you had a famous father, did you? Surprise! :Coughing :Zeus: Look how you've grown. Why, you've got your mother's beautiful eyes, and my strong chin. Hah! :Young Hercules: I-I don't understand. If you're my father, that would make me a-- :Zeus: A god. :Young Hercules: A god. A god! :Zeus: Hey, you wanted answers, and by thunder, you're old enough now to know the truth. :Young Hercules: But why did you leave me on Earth? Didn't you.want me? :Zeus: Of course we did. Your mother and I loved you with all our hearts. Someone stole you from us and turned you mortal, and only gods can live on Mount Olympus. :Young Hercules: And you can't do a thing? :Zeus: I can't, Hercules, but you can. :Young Hercules: R-Really? W-What? I'll do anything. :Zeus: Hercules, if you can prove yourself a true hero on earth, your godhood will be restored! :Young Hercules: A true hero. Great! Uh, exactly how do you become a true hero? :Zeus: First, you must seek out Philoctetes, the trainer of heroes. :Young Hercules: Seek out Philoctetes. Right. I'll-- Whoa! :Zeus: Whoa! Hold your horses! Which reminds me. Whistles :Whistling :Zeus: Offscreen Ha-ha! You probably don't remember Pegasus, but you two go way back, son. :Sniffing :Young Hercules: Groans Laughs Oh, Pegasus! :Zeus: He's a magnificent horse with the brain of a bird. :Pegasus: Whistling Huh? :Young Hercules: I'll find Philoctetes and become a true hero. :Zeus: That's the spirit! :Young Hercules: I won't let you down, Father! Yee-hah! :Zeus: Good luck, son. :Young Hercules: I will beat the odds I can go to the distance! I will face the world, fearless, proud and strong! I will please the gods, I can go to the distance till I find my hero's welcome right where I belong! Category:Disney scripts